During one of the worst moments of my life, I wanted to watch a film to get my mind off of everything. After seeing a few clips of the movie Clueless, I figured it was exactly the kind of movie I needed at that time. I fell in love with how random it was and the main thing that got my attention was the hilarious dialogue. So today, I’m sharing my favorite Clueless quotes! I hope you enjoy and let me know your favorite! (SPOILER ALERT!!!)

Tai Frasier (Brittany Murphy): “I mean, it’s like why am I even listening to you to begin with? You’re a virgin who can’t drive.”

Cher Horowitz (Alicia Silverstone): “I don’t get it. Did my hair get flat? Did I stumble into some bad lighting? What’s wrong with me?”

Mel Horowitz (Dan Hedaya): “Where’s your report card?”

Cher: “It’s not ready yet.”

Mel: “What do you mean it’s not ready yet?”

Cher: “Well, some teachers are trying to lowball me, Daddy. And I know how you say never accept a first offer so I figure these grades are just a jumping-off point to start negotiations.”

Mel: “Very good.”

Cher: “Daddy, did you ever have a problem that you couldn’t argue your way out of?”

Mel: “Tell me the problem and we’ll figure out how to argue it.”

Cher: “Boy, they came out of nowhere.”

Cher: “Miss Stoeger. I would just like to say that physical education in this school is a disgrace. I mean, standing in line for 40 minutes is hardly aerobically effective. I doubt I worked off the calories in a stick of Carefree gum.”

Millie Stoeger (Julie Brown): “Well, you certainly exercised your mouth, Cher. Now hit the ball.”

Mel: “Would you tell me what the hell this is?”

Cher: “Um, a second notice for three outstanding tickets. I don’t remember getting a first notice.”

Mel: “The ticket is the first notice!”

Dionne Davenport (Stacey Dash): “No, but speaking of vehicular sex, perhaps you can explain how this cheap K-Mart hair extension got into the back seat of your car.”

Murray Duvall (Donald Faison): “I don’t know where that came from. That looks like one of your little stringy something-or-others you got up in your hair.”

Dionne: “I do not wear polyester hair, okay? Unlike some people I know, like Shawana!”

Cher: “Christian, what do you think of Amber?”

Christian Stovitz (Justin Walker): “Hagsville.”

Amber Mariens (Elisa Donovan): “Miss Stoeger, my plastic surgeon doesn’t want me doing any activity where balls fly at my nose.”

Dionne: “Well, there goes your social life.”

Mel: “From this moment on, you will not drive, sit, do anything in that jeep without a supervised driver present. And no cruising around with Dionne, all right? Two permits do not equal a license. Do I make myself clear?”

Dionne: “Well, we do lunch in ten minutes. We don’t have any tea, but we have Coke and stuff.”

Tai: “No s**t! You guys got coke here?”

Cher: “Yeah, this is America.”

Mel: “Do you know what time it is?”

Cher: “A watch doesn’t really go with this outfit, Daddy.”

Cher: “You are such a brown-noser.”

Josh Lucas (Paul Rudd): “And you are such a superficial space cadet. What makes you think you can get teachers to change your grades?”

Cher: “Only the fact that I’ve done it every other semester.”

Cher: “So, okay. Like right now, for example, the Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, ‘What about the strain on our resources?’ But it’s like, when I had this garden party for my father’s birthday, right? I said RSVP because it was a sit-down dinner. But people came that, like, did not RSVP. So, I was like totally bugging. I had to haul a** to the kitchen, redistribute the food, squish in extra place settings, but by the end of the day, it was like, the more the merrier. And so, if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion, may I please remind you that it does not say ‘RSVP’ on the Statue of Liberty.”

Cher: “Hey! God, you just got here and already you’re playing Couch Commando?”

Josh: “Hey, in some parts of the universe, maybe not in Contempo Casual, but in some parts, it’s considered cool to know what’s going on in the world.”

Cher: “Thank you, Josh. I so need lessons from you on how to be cool. Tell me that part about Kenny G again.”

Travis Birkenstock (Breckin Meyer): “I had an insight, Mr. Hall.”

Wendell Hall (Wallace Shawn): “I’m all ears.”

Travis: “Okay. Like, the way I feel about the Rolling Stones is the way my kids are gonna feel about Nine Inch Nails so I really shouldn’t torment my mom anymore, huh?”

Josh: “What are the chances of you shutting up till you get your way?”

Cher: “Slim to none. Come on!”

Mel: “You want to have a miserable, frustrating life?”

Cher: “Oh, Josh will have that no matter what he does.”

Christian: “Oh, Honey, you baked!”

Cher: “It’s been a couple of months now, so I said we’d go out to Malibu.”

Mel: “Don’t tell me those brain-dead lowlifes have been calling again.”

Cher: “They are your parents.”

Josh: “Hey, James Bond, in America we drive on the right side of the road.”

Cher: “I am. You try driving in platforms.”

Tai: “If I’m too good for him, then how come I’m not with him?”

Wendell: “Now, could all conversations please come to a halt? And could the suicide attempts please be postponed till the next period?”

Cher: “During the next few days, I did what any normal girl would do. I sent myself love letters, and flowers, and candy just so he’d see how desired I was, in case he didn’t already know.”

Cher: “Ew, get off of me! Ugh, as if!”

Mel: “Hey, you! Anything happens to my daughter, I got a 45 and a shovel. I doubt anybody would miss you.”

Cher: “I object. Do you recall the dates of these alleged tardies?”

Wendell: “One was last Monday.”

Cher: “Mr. Hall, I was surfing the crimson wave. I had to haul a** to the ladies’.”

Cher: “Daddy’s a litigator. Those are the scariest kinds of lawyers. Even Lucy, our maid, is terrified of him. And Daddy is so good, he gets $500 an hour to fight with people. He fights with me for free because I’m his daughter.”

Josh: “I’m amazed.”

Cher: “That I am devoting myself so generously to someone else?”

Josh: “No. That you found someone even more clueless than you are to worship you.”

Cher: “I wanna do something good for humanity.”

Josh: “How about sterilization?”

Wendell: “Travis Birkenstock, 38 tardies. By far the most tardies in the class. Congratulations.”

Travis: “This is so unexpected, I didn’t even have a speech prepared. Uh, but I would like to say this: tardiness is not something you can do all on your own. Many many people contributed to my tardiness. I’d like to thank my parents for never giving me a ride to school, the L.A. city bus drivers for taking a chance on an unknown kid. And last but not least, the wonderful crew at McDonald’s for spending hours making those Egg McMuffins without which I might never be tardy.”

Cher: “Excuse me, but I have donated many expensive Italian outfits to Lucy. And, as soon as I get my license, I fully intend to brake for animals. And I’ve contributed many hours helping two lonely teachers find romance.”

Josh: “Which, I’ll bet serves your interests more than theirs. You know, if I ever saw you do anything that wasn’t 90% selfish, I’d die of shock.”

Cher: “Oh, that’d be reason enough for me.”

Cher: “Isn’t there somebody else I can talk to? A supervisor or something? I mean, you can’t be the absolute and final word in drivers’ licenses.”

DMV Tester (Ron Orbach): “Girlie, as far as you’re concerned, I am the messiah of the DMV.”

Christian: “Do you like Billie Holiday?”

Cher: “I love him.”

Christian: “Right.”

Josh: “Wanna practice parking?”

Cher: “What’s the point? Everywhere you go has valet.”

Cher: “So, okay. The Attorney General says there’s too much violence on TV and that should stop. But even if you took out all the violent shows, you could still see the news. So, until mankind is peaceful enough not to have violence on the news, there’s no point in taking it out of shows that need it for entertainment value. Thank you.”

Tai: “Look, you’ve got to help me get Josh.”

Cher: “Get Josh what?”

Cher: “Di, don’t you want to use your popularity for a good cause?”

Dionne: “No.”

Josh: “Look, I’m just curious. How many hours a day do you spend grooming yourself?”

Cher: “Some people are not lucky enough to be as naturally adorable as you are.”

Josh: “Stop it. You’re making me blush.”

Mel: “So, what did you do in school today?”

Cher: “Well… I broke in my purple clogs.”

Josh: “I can’t believe I’m taking advice from someone who watches cartoons.”

Cher: “Daddy!”

Mel: “What?”

Cher: “I can’t just open it, I have to make him wait a while!”

Mel: “Then he can wait outside.”

Cher: “Tai, how old are you?”

Tai: “I’ll be 16 in May.”

Cher: “My birthday is in April, and as someone older, can I please give you some advice? It is one thing to spark up a doobie and get laced at parties, but it is quite another to be fried all day.”

Dionne: “What’s wrong? Is Josh giving you s**t ‘cause he’s going through his post-adolescent idealistic phase?”

Cher: “Why don’t you torture your new family?”

Josh: “Hey, just because my mother marries someone else, doesn’t mean he’s my father.”

Cher: “Actually, Kato, that’s exactly what it means.”

Mel: “You drink?”

Christian: “No, thanks. I’m cool.”

Mel: “I’m not offering, I’m asking you if you drink. You think I’d give alcohol to teenage drivers taking my daughter out?”

Murray: “Oh my God, their planning our weddings already.”

Travis: “Could you all stop all that ‘till death do us part’ mumbo-jumbo?”

Murray: “I’m telling you, I’m completely bugging.”

Josh: “Jeez, I’m bugging myself.”

Cher: “Dionne and I were both named after great singers of the past who now do infomercials.”

Mel: “What’s with you, kid? You think the death of Sammy Davis left an opening in the Rat Pack?”

Josh: “You look like Pippi Longstocking.”

Cher: “You look like Forrest Gump. Who’s Pippi Longstocking?”

Josh: “Someone Mel Gibson never played.”

Cher: “You’re funny.”