My Favorite Otis Driftwood Quotes

“That old b***h-hog don’t know s**t. He tells his cute little tattle tales to sell his junk. He don’t sell no yankee boys no truth.”

“Shut your mouth! I said shut your f***in’ mouth! Listen, you Malibu, middle-class Barbie piece of s**t, I’m trying to work here! Work? You ever work? Yeah, I’ll bet you have. Scooping ice cream to your s**t-heeled friends on summer break. Well I ain’t talking about no g*****n white socks with Mickey Mouse on one side and Donald Duck on the other. I ain’t reading no funny books, Mama! Our bodies come and go but this blood is forever.”

“People come, people go. But how many ever really stop to take a look at the underbelly of the beast? I make them stop, and I make them look. Hope you like what you see. Hope you like what you see!”

“Well, f***in’ pigs always travel in packs. Take this, go downstairs and play nice, I’ll go around back and take control like I always f***in’ do!”

“And you, the great rusher of fools, what was it you were after? Come on, speak to me, boy! Oh, I remember now. Doctor Satan! G*****n it, everybody’s got to know about Doctor Satan! You know what I’m gonna do, boy? I’m gonna do you a favor. I’m gonna let you meet the old b*****d. It’s all true. The boogeyman is real. And you found him.”

“Hunting humans? Ain’t nothin but nothin. They all run like scared little rabbits. Run, rabbit run. Run, rabbit! Run, rabbit. Run, rabbit. Run, rabbit, run! Run, rabbit!”

“Hey, f**k you! Will you just keep your head on the business at hand here?!”

“Boy, the next word that comes out of your mouth better be some brilliant f****ing Mark Twain s**t. Cause it’s definitely getting chiseled on your tombstone.”

“Does she like it when you puke? I mean, is that part of your deal?”

“Well, you know, first of all, I didn’t say anything. And second of all, I’m calling the shots! Consider me f***ing Willy f***ing Wonka! This is my f***ing chocolate factory, you got it?! My factory!”

“That’s what they all say. ‘F**k you!’ Well, it ain’t gonna save you, it don’t scare me none, and it don’t suddenly make you a f***ing hero! You wanna see what happens to heroes, boy? You wanna see bada**, motherf***er? I’ll show you bada**!”

“We regret to inform you that the Banjo and Sullivan Show will be canceled for tonight!”

“Yes, it is gonna kill me! I have calculated the time and two seconds is the exact amount of time that’s a hazard to my f***ing health.”

“You bring us all the way out here and this p***k pulls a gun on us? Nice f***in’ plan, Daisy!”

“You wanted the g*****n boogeyman in your silly little lives. Well, you’ve got him. There’s no f***ing justice in this world. I am justice!”

“The truth is a f***ing knife. It cuts deep and it cuts both ways. Which end of the buck knife are you holding? The handle or the blade? You don’t even know.”

“You know, enough of these lousy impressions. How can you be f***ing Bogart when you don’t even know the f***ing plan?”

“Money? What am I gonna buy? Look at me. Look at me! I got everything I need. I ain’t no slave to the f***ing system.”

“Do you remember the first words you ever spoke to me, Virg? No? The big man doesn’t remember? You said, ‘this is my death factory and you are the product.’ Well, guess what, motherf***er? This is MY death factory and you are the product.”

“Seriously? No one knows who you are. I’m public enemy number one.”

Baby (Sheri Moon Zombie): “I have the answer to all of our problems. I know exactly what we should do.”

“Yeah, but that’s impossible.”

Baby: “Why is that impossible?”

“Because the problem is you.”

“Thinking about Cutter? The old b*****d had a pretty good run. Did more living than most f***ers. Besides, we all get f***ed in the end. I mean, what else is there?” 

“Let’s go get f***ed up.”

Baby: And do f***ed up s**t?

“Sis, what other kind is there?”

“Now we can have a real Day Of The Dead.”

“At this point, life seems hazardous to my health.”

“Nothing. Waiting for him to break. Something in the eyes snaps. No. Keep watching. That was it.”

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